If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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