Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
