We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
