i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
