you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
