you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
