The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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