My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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