it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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