Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think your dad took our porno
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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