you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i think im in europe. pls send help
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize