New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
