She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
