Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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