I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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