its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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