Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
