I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
