Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
