6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
...so i touched it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
