people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
