remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Alive.
So much puke
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
