Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
