I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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