I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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