I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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