Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
