We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
