I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
