their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
