I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
