the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
someone owes me an orgasm
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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