She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
