From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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