Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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