turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
