Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am mentally ready for anal.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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