Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
