I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
