I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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