i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
