I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize