I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize