he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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