I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
