dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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