So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
