my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
