glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
