I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
