Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
