Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
