I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am one with the molecules
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
