I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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