he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
being pregnant is like rehab
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize