Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
