how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
