New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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