so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
