i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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