We named our party play list daddy issues
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
