before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
