Nicole vs. Life
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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