i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
