Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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