I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
