Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
