He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
