My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
