What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
