Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
