I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
time to smoke my breakfast
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
