Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
