Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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