what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
