HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
