She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
