So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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