i just wanna soil my oats bro
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
