happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
