Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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