i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
