i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize