Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
