Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
