I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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