I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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