I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
