Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
