dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
