It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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