ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
