I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
