i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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