he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize