wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
