'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
