you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
