Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
