You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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