dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
